My Best Friend Needs to Borrow Money

By Diane Leon

Let's face it for most of us money is something we begin to learn how to handle early on.  It starts on special occasions when we wait for the tooth fairy or reach a certain age when we get $10 in a card and our eyes light up. 

The early lessons we learn in life about money are important.  By the time we are teens we have observed what money can do for you, how you should spend it and what happens when a best friend needs to borrow money.  I was always told never to lend anyone money because it will only come between you and ruin a friendship.  Of course, these are things everyone learns from their own experience.  

Well, when I was about to graduate high school a neighborhood girl friend who I didn't hang out with, but knew for years and years stopped me in the street and asked if we could go to a coffee shop and talk.  She and I had been best friends from 8 years old up until about 15, and then we began to hang out with a different group in high school.

When we got into the coffee shop she and I began to talk about all the things we had done while growing up in the neighborhood.   She was a year older than me and had graduated high school that past June.  She already had gotten a part-time job and I was impressed. 

We talked about our dreams of what we wanted to do.  Mine were always art related and she said she wanted to go to college at night, work in the day and get into the business world. 

Then she asked if I could lend her some money.  She said, "Diane, I've known you all my life and I need about $100. to help me out with bills."  I was a little put off because I was saving too, for things I wanted when I graduated.  Plus I wanted to impress my mother that I had learned to save money and could buy myself things.  I asked her, "What bills?  I thought you still lived at home and had a part-time job?"  She said, "Oh, you know how it is with my new job I really need to buy some clothes to fit in and I can't ask my mother."  I didn't know what to do.  On one hand I understood how important it was for her to look good at her new job, but on the other hand $100 was a lot of money. 

I sat there and reflected back on how close we had been all those years.  But, I really wasn't in the best situation to lend her my savings.   It was a very hard decision to make but I had to tell her no.  It was strange, the minute I told her it was hard for me to save $100 and I needed it myself, she acted cold and said she understood and got up.  As she put on her coat, she said she would figure something out and left. 

For days I felt upset.  I never told my mother because she would have had a fit.  I didn't want her to get involved and say something to my friend's mother.  I was turning 17 soon and it was time to handle some decisions like this myself.

A few months later another girl friend who I was close to for about two years in school asked me for $25.  She needed it for school supplies and her family was having problems.  I decided to lend it to her.  My decision was based on her real need and the amount.  I figured if I never saw the $25 it would not ruin our friendship or put me into debt.

These were the early experiences of lending money to best friends.  Later in life it was money for other things people asked for, but I always made my decision based on the following:

How long you know the person?  This is important.  People you don't know well can be

Con-artists and asking for money can become a way of life for them.  Don't fall into their trap. They are easy to spot because they are always asking everyone for money, and never pay it back.

Why does she need the money?  Sometimes you might feel funny about asking.  If it is under $30 you might not want to discuss the details, but if it is a good friend she should let you know why she needs this money and what she plans on doing with it.

Anyone can need a few dollars at anytime in their life.  If it is a best friend lending $5, $10 to get someone through the week is okay.  However, make sure it doesn't become a habit.  It is important that you learn to save and spend your money in a responsible way.  Don't become a crutch to a friend's inability to manage her life.  In the long run you may hurt more than help her.

The worse thing that can happen is you end up fighting about the money.  If a friend doesn't give money back within a couple of weeks it will put strain on the friendship.  This is the best time of your life.  Don't complicate it with making mistakes you could avoid.  Enjoy your best friend and she can become a friend for life.