At 13, Gail was a bright and funny girl.  She had big, brown eyes with a wonderful smile.  You knew just by looking at her that she was a good person.  The word “no” hardly ever left her mouth, and family and friends alike agreed that after 8^th grade, Gail was off to a great high school experience. 

When Gail entered high school, however, life became different.  For the first time, she noticed that she wasn’t as skinny as the other girls.  She wasn’t fat, but her chubby stomach and puffier cheeks were not going to make her as popular with the boys, despite her being bright and funny.  So, Gail began to become less bright.  She became less funny.  Before anyone could figure out what was wrong, Gail had become a shy, insecure freshman in a high school hallway. 

No one made fun of Gail.  People thought she was nice, but she was convinced that everyone who looked at her was secretly thinking bad thoughts or commenting behind her back.  Maybe they had noticed her hair was frizzy on Wednesday when it rained.  Maybe they had caught a glimpse of her stomach in gym class when her t-shirt accidentally rode up as she jumped toward a basketball hoop.  Maybe they laughed at her joke, because they thought it was stupid.  Then, she met Pam.

Pam was tall and thin.  She was silly and laughed all of the time.  She had good grades and could slam dunk a ball without caring if her perfectly flat belly was exposed for all to see.  Pam was popular. 

Gail realized that being friends with Pam was a good idea.  Pam had friends, some of them older.  Pam went out, sometimes to places Gail’s parents would never allow.  Maybe if she hung out with Pam, Gail could learn to be like Pam.  Gail admired Pam very much. 

For a whole year, Gail did anything Pam asked.  Pam was very nice, but she had no idea that Gail was pretending to like her so that she could “learn” to be like her.  Pam showed Gail how to dance.  Gail told Pam she was beautiful.  They both made each other feel good about themselves, and so, their friendship was great for a long time.

As they got older, Gail began to resent Pam.  After all, she had repressed who she really was in order to enter Pam’s life.  Now she was stuck.  She had this whole new group of friends and activities that she would have never had without Pam, but none of it was real. 

Out of anger, confusion, and pride, Gail began to talk badly about Pam to their mutual friends.  Maybe if they knew more about her real secrets they would just be friends with Gail.  She wanted people to forget about Pam.  For a long time, Pam had no idea why her friends began to not invite her to parties and outings.  It made no sense why it seemed that others knew secrets that only those close to Pam should know.  She knew it could never be her dearest, quiet friend, Gail.

It was not long before Pam found out about Gail’s backstabbing, and it was not long before their friendship was never the same.  Due to their fighting, many of their mutual friends stopped getting caught in the middle.  In the end, their once close group of friends was divided.  And although Gail and Pam still managed to talk to each other, neither trusted the other, and their conversations were very dry, very basic, very civil.

Years later, Gail was in college.  She was a freshman again, and from deep inside her, she felt the old insecurity that comes with change fill her heart.  She knew she could not find another Pam.  She didn’t need another Pam.  She had to try and be herself.  Gail remembered al of the pain she caused in the life of her old best friend from high school, Pam, the long-legged pretty girl who showed her how to have some fun.  She didn’t want to make the same mistake again, and she did not.

For four years, Gail had a great college experience.  She made new friends and joined new clubs.  Some people loved her, and others didn’t care for her.  She was okay with that.  While in college, Gail made some of the best friends of her life.

Many years after meeting in high school, Pam and Gail live far apart and have not spoken for years.  They lost touch through time:  phone calls turned into emails then, holiday cards into finally, nothing at all. 

Lesson you can learn:

Everyone knows a Pam and everyone knows a Gail.  It’s important to be aware of why you pick your friends.  Be a good friend.  Pick a good friend.  Be grateful for the wonderful things that make someone different than you.  Be appreciative of who they have been in your life, even when things go wrong.  And when the years finally make it difficult to stay in touch, don’t forget them.  Keep them alive in your heart’s memory, and if you’re strong enough, give them a call.