Coping With Sudden Loss

By Michele Brannon-Hamilton

When your heart is broken it's hard to believe the pain will ever go away. Life doesn't seem fair and you don't know how you will go on. If you feel this way, you're not alone. Life can throw you hurdles so great you don't know how you will cope, how you will survive. Learning to live with loss may be the hardest thing you will ever learn to do but you can survive and even thrive in the face of unbearable pain.

After the sudden loss of three members of my immediate family, I was shaken to the core. I felt like I couldn't breathe and that I would never be able to survive but I did. I would like to help you in your journey through grief by sharing what I learned.

Understand that you are probably in shock. Your mind and your body have been physically shaken by the news of your loss. This is particularly difficult if the loss was sudden. You may experience panic attacks and disorientation. This is normal and it will pass.

Give yourself time to grieve. Even if it's a breakup and not a death, you've still lost something you valued and it hurts. You need time to accept the loss and adjust to the change in your life. You need time to heal. Your heart has been wounded. You can't adapt quickly to a devastating loss.

Cry and let it out. If the person wasn't so wonderful, you wouldn't hurt so badly. Your loved one is worth crying about. Crying also cleanses your soul and releases some of the pain. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol. It only numbs the pain temporarily. It doesn't make it go away. You have to let the pain out.

Know you are normal no matter how you feel. Everyone grieves differently. Your way is the right way for you. Don't let well meaning people tell you to get over it right away. You're not going crazy. You're on a journey through grief and you will come out the other side.

Get help. You don't have to go through this alone. Talk to people who understand what you are feeling. Join a support group. Talk to a grief counselor who can explain the stages of grief. There are different stages of grief for different types of death. You will feel less overwhelmed if you understand what you are going through.

Turn to your faith. Believe there is always an answer. Ask a higher power to guide you on your journey. We all wonder why it happened and feel confusion at the unfairness of it. Let your faith guide you to peace and acceptance.

Be open-minded and see the signs around you. Your loved one is still near if you would just believe it. They will never be gone from your heart. They have left you in one part of your life but you will find their presence in another.

Find new interests. Get someone who understands your loss to help you build a new future. Try something new. Realize you may have changed. You may need to find a new you and it is perfectly normal to feel this way.

Loss hurts and the journey is difficult but you are not alone. You will have good and bad days but eventually the good days will outweigh the bad. When you are ready, do something special to honor your loved one. Write a poem, share a memory or create a dedication. Turn your grief into something positive and you will see that love never dies, it just changes.